My Book

Spirituality for Beginners


Have you ever been at a party and heard people throwing around words like ego, gratitude, oneness, and abundance? No? Fine. Maybe I go to weird parties (or cause them to be weird). Have you ever watched a talk show where people were waxing woo-woo and they looked so happy that you kinda wanted to punch them, but you also kinda wanted to know the secret behind their happiness? Did they do a good job explaining it, or was it wrapped in sanctimonious smiles and eye-rolling sentiments? I’m guessing you’ve seen or read some inspirational stuff that has piqued your interest (hence taking a peek at this here book). But I also bet you’ve seen or read some stuff promising to change your life, but it didn’t. Yes, sometimes the messenger gets a little too far away from the message. Some messengers need interpreters. Some need new messages.

I got a message loud and clear when my life was falling apart: Be happy! But it was hard to be happy with all the shit going on in my life: My brother Mike was dying of glioblastoma multiforme (a fast-growing bitch of a brain tumor that killed him). My nephew was diagnosed with autism. My career was careening towards failure. I lost my thyroid due to pre-cancerous cells and an insensitive endocrinologist. And my marriage was about to jump off a cliff. I was drinking too much, yelling too much, and felt gloomy most days. I contemplated suicide like a customer eyeing a pastry display: what shall I have today … a gun or a rope? Thankfully, my smart therapist, who sensed that talking about my problems ad nauseam wasn’t helping and that I might do well with some otherworldly sources, encouraged me to fix this with spiritual teachings. So I read and read and researched and cried. For years. But I began to feel better. I felt happier. Why? It came down to one thing: a simple shift in perspective. (And when this happens, you want to share it with the world! You’re welcome.)

Unlike many books on the topic (which can test your patience and cause narcolepsy), this book gives you the straight dope about four basic concepts of spirituality: the ego, love, gratefulness, and forgiveness. As you will see, these four concepts will lead to discussions about fear-based behavior (cheating, Twitter storming, unnecessary surgical procedures), conditional and romantic love (oh là là), and self-love (oh là là). It will also lead to chats about compassion (featuring tattoos and annoying soccer moms) and gratitude (bowing down to the toilet, seedy massage parlors, and shitty sunglasses). Finally, it will explain some of that righteous chatter like “Yo! It wasn’t personal!” and “You just gotta love yourself!” and “Be present.”

Each chapter will conclude with five steps to help you practice the concepts to shift your perspective and ultimately, make you and the world happier. I’m not gonna lie; the steps might make you a little annoyed or even cry, but life-altering transformation tends to do that. Turds first, then happiness.

Be warned: If you haven’t figured it out already, this is the snarky edition, which means I tell it like I’m talking to my friends. In other words, it’s rated R. But there is talk of a PG version if bad words scare you. I may just do a search and replace on “shit” and say “crap” instead. We’ll see… So good luck with it! Sending you love and light! Stop rolling your eyes.

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